It’s like I’ve been weighed down, covered by a blanket all day that won’t let me get off the couch or be productive. Like my body feels something is coming that my consciousness has yet to experience. But isn’t that what anxiety is? Do I trust what my body is saying? Weighed down by the bear on my chest that's making it so hard to breath. Stay stuck to the couch where nothing can get to me, I’m safe. Is that safe? If I don’t move is it keeping me safe from that sleeping bear or just preventing my escape from the anxiety? See maybe my body isn’t the one trying to tell me something, maybe it’s my mind, maybe it’s the anxiety. Even if it is my instincts, my body already knowing what's to come, it’s coming either way. And I know I won’t be living by letting that bear sleep on my chest. So I’m going to get up. I’m going to go outside. I’m going to hold back tears while I sit in Starbucks, sip my drink and write this because you can live with anxiety, you can’t live with a bear on your chest, life doesn't happen on the couch and you can’t live if you don’t try.
Just because someone posts pretty pictures on Instagram doesn’t mean they are immune to fears and anxieties, the bear is usually invisible, but that doesn’t mean we can’t help others facing the same beast. I’ve found my calling in doing just that. I’ve lived a lot of life to get me to where I am and if I can use that to help another person get through what they’re going through then I’ll do just that. So allow me to introduce myself, your new Fayecologist. Years of therapy, random schooling, hard times and good and a whole heck of a lot of resilience have gotten me here and now it’s time to share it with you ❤️
Edited to add: I wrote this the week before our state's Shelter in Place mandate was ordered, when this whole pandemic was just beginning before anyone really understood the gravity of our current situation. I'm so grateful I was able to recognize my anxiety beginning to manifest before I was in too deep, and I was able to enter this quarantine with a clear head. I realize not everyone is so lucky and want you all to know you are never alone. I am just an email away and there are other helpful resources available in the resources section.
Crisis counseling is available, text HOME to 741741 to connect with a counselor (this is an outside service and is in no way affiliated with Slay with Faye)